This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
