so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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