he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
