Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
