The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
