I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
