I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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