im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize