I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
