What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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