I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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