Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
