my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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