it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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