I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
