PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
