Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
