oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
