come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Randomize
