Screwed.edu
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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