just come out here and I will go home with you...
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
