when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
