he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
