I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
