it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize