when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
