I'm really into asian looking animals
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
