I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
