Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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