I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Randomize
