You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
