I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
