there's paper in my vomit.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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