Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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