Farmville is her only friend.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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