JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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