I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize