If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
