turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
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