Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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