a queef is a wish your heart makes.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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