No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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