I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm getting married
To pizza
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
