You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
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