i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize