did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
