im having a threesome with these popsicles
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
