so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
