I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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