oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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