mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
