Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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