wat bout pragnant strippers??
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
