dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
if i died would you start the facebook group?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
