you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
