Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
