I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
