how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
