return my video game
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
where are my eyebrows?
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