wat bout pragnant strippers??
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Randomize