I puked a lego.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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