she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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