I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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