He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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