it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
This toilet bowl is my home.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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