i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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