apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
