Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
