respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
